This is the day you thought would never happen. Your roles in life are
reversing. Your trying to make decisions for yourself and your Aging Parent.
What will be best for them without altering your life too drastically. How do
you keep up the pace and ultimately please everyone around you?
You are not alone in life, you have a family, significant other, a career to
think about. You want to balance everything to keep everyone happy and life as
normal as possible. Think again! Those once a week visits or daily phone calls
aren’t enough anymore. Your parent needs care, the real kind.
The care includes making sure they eat, that they take their meds, that their
money isn’t being floundered away on TV shopping. You have siblings that think
Assisted Living or Nursing Facilities are awful and they don’t want to put Mom
or Dad in one even though they also don’t want to help out.
How do you cope? How do you deal with this situation without alienating every
member of your family?
First understand, it’s not about you. What I mean by that statement is that
it is not about guilt and what some think is the “Right thing to do”. It’s not
about hanging on to someone that they used to be. They are an elderly person in
need of constant care and attention. If you need a dose of growing up, this
situation will make it happen whether your ready or not!
Start with their doctor. Have an appointment to discuss the faltering health
of your beloved parent. You can also check into the hospital that their health
care is associated. Every hospital has an elder care group of some type. The
medical coverage will also have affiliations with elder sourcing. Between the
doctor and the medical coverage group, you may be able to determine the types of
help and living style your parents current status requires.
Keep asking until you have the best situation for all concerned. It may be as
simple as an Aide visiting once or twice a day to help with showering, dressing,
meals and meds. Their health may need more than that and the visiting nurse or
doctor’s office is the place to apply the concern.
The best word to learn to help an elder parent is the same as if your infant
child were being cared for and that is SAFETY. If safety is not at the level
necessary, keep pushing until you get the help you need.
It may take you time to uncover everything available to your parent to help
with this care process but trust me, it will be worth it in the many years elder
care can stretch out to be. It is best to discuss with them all their health and
medical, financial and personal situations before that day arrives.
When they are older the best thing you can give them is you. Spend quality
time instead of stress time. Have them over for a day and dinner instead of
needing to pawn them off on someone else. The resentment builds if you do this
alone and there are many really good care facilities to take that burden off
your shoulders.
Safety and honesty is what makes those later years a good memory for your
aging parent!